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Sometimes walking out of a relationship leaves you like you
were walking on a busy road with a slow slug crawling in front of you with
excess baggage, curved under his own weight not willing to budge, not willing
to let you ahead, not willing to make way, not close to tiring out. You just
have to tread heavily behind him with all his baggage and yours for as long as
you find a clearing. Finding a way out is a struggle.....
Some relationships feel like borrowing a runway designer
gown from a dry cleaner for a red carpet event. Somewhere within, the voice in
you, intimidated and shy, tells you that it is a different and difficult league
but you can’t resist the temptation of seeing yourself enshrouded by the
shallow and banal, the sham of pleasantries, the gown with a train and the
charm of stepping on red carpet in Cinderella heels till you trip. Once you have been there done that you know
you have to return home from this farce; that neither the gown was yours nor
did you belong to the red carpet vanity in entirety….ever.
What happens when your eyes grow bigger than your stomach?
You become greedy, you want more, you want to capacitate but you can’t and
eventually you consume and then regurgitate. The system refuses to accept it
for it defies nature....then comes the punishment for the avarice...starvation!
When you get into it telling IT “This is it and I am planning
a fairy tale ending here”, the dude (soul) gets so ecstatic and hysterical that
it almost dies when you end it abruptly. IT sulks and sulks and mops and bawls
ITS eyes out that IT becomes too hard to rehabilitate IT back. You almost
become schizophrenic living in parallel worlds feeling one and living one…neither
of the two gets you anywhere….The soul wrenching ones are these…
It’s like when you have had white smoke with your soul on
getting in and getting out, IT knows that there’s no staying back…You have
given IT a heads up and the suicidal soul won’t kill itself when you actually
walk out, may be IT will just punch ITS face hard. You recoil and recover….
Some feel like being at the crossroad signal where one
encounters an urchin selling flowers, pushing them hard onto the car window. Give
him a nod and a smile and he is encouraged beyond comprehension. You can’t
bring him back to reality, you can’t convince him that you don’t need the flowers;
you can’t decline the offer. He is tenacious. The signal changes and you move
on and the little urchin with flowers withers away in gloom.
Some are like knowing if there is life on Mars. “What if it was
for real?”, “what if we could share?”, “What if we could live in communion?”..the
“what ifs..?” they hound like the dark shadows which appear every time there is light around…and from there on the shadows become you so much so that
you become oblivious to their presence when things lighten up around you, you know it
rises with you, it follows and stays never leaving you
alone…you know it’s you!!!!
